Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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