This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
