Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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