Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
