I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
