dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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