I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
