you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
