So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
