It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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