I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
