I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
