I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to calm my uterus...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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