remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
