no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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