You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
