If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
