You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
