I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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