In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
