i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
