Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Randomize
