I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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