he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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