God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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