i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
