I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
