Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
