spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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