but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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