Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
