it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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