So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
