so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
