there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
