I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
