He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
