and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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