can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
