i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
