Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
