when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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