no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
