it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
