hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
