I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
