I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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