I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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