When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
