I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
