I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
