Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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