I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
